Toddler Phase No 17: Nightmares and Car Farts

When my son was born I was informed of a number of ‘milestones’ and ‘phases’ to look out for.

The obvious ones were when my wobbly little snot-monster took his first steps, or his first full sleep through the night (nope, can’t remember that one), his first tooth cutting through and his first wee in a potty. But nowhere in these glossy, cheery parenting magazines do they tell you about toddler night terrors?!!!’ I’ll also tell you all about the car farts later (yes, I know, you can’t wait!)   So these nightmares have been occurring with my son over the past couple of months and it makes me so sad to see my little boy upset like this, that and the fact that yet again he isn’t sleeping through – so it’s not nice for us all. So of course you start to question, why? Is it something he’s seen and I’ve not shielded him from? Why is he thinking nasty thoughts? What do these nightmares mean?

The majority of the time my son can’t remember the nightmares but there have been a few that were rather unpleasant, like when he woke screaming and shouting, “Mummy someone is sat on my chest!”. I remember going into his room at 3am, feeling torn between ‘I must protect my son’ and ‘I’m sh*itting myself – what the feck is in there?!?’

So I usually try to settle my son with a cuddle and a cup of milk, which normally does the trick. But sometimes he gets that upset that he has to come into my bed. Fortunately these nightmares seem to have subsided now, just in time to be replaced with a never-ending dry/croupy cough. But who needs sleep, eh?

Anyway, after one rare occasion where I had a little more sleep than usual, I suddenly thought rationally about this and I have come to the conclusion that it is just his little imagination fired up with questions and queries that get lost in translation. That this is just ANOTHER one of these bloody phases the little tykes go through and that you have to say strong and calm for them. You can secretly sh*t yourself on the inside (by all means) but they definitely need you to be their calm in the storm.

So, back to the car farts….Why are they SO God damn funny and why do they smell SO much more potent when you are travelling in your car? How the heck can a three year old deliver such a potent parp that it almost makes me physically gag whilst driving?!! It’s simply because he’s turning into a boy, that’s why, and boys are generally gross will always find farts funny. That and he eats lots of beans. That might have something to do with it.

        So what has (made up) Phase No 17 taught me?

• 1. If your child’s night terror is monster-related, try spraying the room with a water spray, labelled ‘monster spray’, to help settle your child. This one works quite well.
• 2. Never underestimate the power of your child’s fart. If they let go in a car, it can often make your eyes water so always have your window slightly ajar, even in the winter. Stay vigilant.
• 3. Toddler morning breath is also SO RANK. I’m sure many of you are already aware of this, but during a night terror, when you go in for a cuddle and kiss, it seems to be amplified! Maybe it’s more potent because it’s mixed with ‘fear breath’ (which is a whole new blog-post), I don’t know but, nevertheless, one to watch out for! 

Controlled Crying – Cruel to be Kind

When I first became a mum, controlled crying, (a practice in which you let your child cry themselves to sleep in order to teach them to sleep in their own bed and self-soothe), was initially suggested to us by a Health Advisor during a check-up.

My son, Luca, was very small, about a year old. We were co-sleeping and he would continually wake through the night so we decided that we would give controlled crying a go. We placed Luca down to sleep in his cot and immediately he started to scream uncontrollably, which was unbearable to listen to. We soon caved and decided that it wasn’t the right time and that Luca seemed more distressed that we could tolerate.

It was when Luca was 18 months that we next revisited this concept. It wasn’t as bad this time round, the cries didn’t seem as distressing, although the resistance still went on for 3-4 days. Eventually we mastered it. All was well for 6 months but we soon found him back in our bed, tossing and turning – and generally assaulting us throughout the night.

It was only a few weeks ago that we had our third attempt. We were expecting a full blown tantrum whilst we paced the landing all night… but to our amazement he just said ‘Mummy/Daddy’, grizzled a little then fell asleep for the whole night. He then continued to do this all on his own for the next week – we had finally cracked it! Perhaps it was us (his parents) that were creating the ‘separation issue’ when it was quite evident that my son was ready to sleep in his own bed.

Controlled crying is not for everyone and people can be very opinionated on this issue. But you know your child better than anyone, you can identify the difference between a tantrum and real distress. In our case, it is true that sometimes you do have to be cruel to be kind.

The Bedtime Battleground

I remember the first day we brought my son home at one day old. He slept for 12 hours straight. I still remember it well because it was also the last night that I had a decent night’s sleep for the last 2.5 years!!

The only time Luca has slept for 12 hours straight.

You see, my son has never been much of a sleeper. He fights naps in the day and sleeps incredibly lightly at night as he thinks he’s missing out on something (I don’t know where he gets that from). The dilemma we currently face is that, at present, we allow him to sleep in the same bed with us (co-sleeping). The alternative is him waking constantly throughout the night, not able to self-soothe, and then the crying usually begins at 4am. So the former is currently the lesser of two evils.

We did successfully master ‘controlled crying’, earlier this year. It took 3-4 difficult nights but we rode out the tantrums and had a few months of normality. But a couple weeks ago we decided that we would take the side of his cot off and rearrange his room. It didn’t take long for him to figure out his way to our room and here I find myself, again, with a face-full of toddler-feet when I climb into bed.

Big boy bed

What I’ve found is that you can never assume that you have this sleep thing sussed because children, especially toddlers, are so unpredictable. If you are one of the lucky parents where your child has ‘always been a great sleeper’, then you are very fortunate (and I hate you). But most of us will win some months and lose others, but ultimately you’ll know when to force the issue of them sleeping in their own bed – or when to just accept the decent night’s sleep albeit with your little person stuck to your head.

“I’m not ready for bed!” he said.

Just remember to get your own back when they’re teenagers!